I wish I had it in me to blog. I have things to say...the kid who won't stop asking about my personal life, the horrible beginning to "The Crucible" unit, a stacks of work I still need to grade, and my own struggles to justify a classroom that I wouldn't facilitate myself outside of this student-teaching experience. The quiz I need to write after I get off work tonight and have ready for first period tomorrow. Teaching stuff I haven't even read yet. I have so much to learn about HS English. I thought this was going to be cake...I forgot I hated HS the first time around. Now I'm stuck there. Or somewhere near there.
AH...we'll see. I'm actually enjoying my time, and finding myself wanting to stay after school to plan, grade, just be in the classroom more. I think this was the right decision, even if I'm fighting with myself about it.
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 27
Tuesday, January 20
and on the downside...
I had my first full day of teaching today. My schedule starts with freshman English, then to junior English, and I finish the day with a class with the sole intent to help those assigned to attend to pass the state standardized test. Seriously.
For the first day, I don't think it went too bad. A lot of it was spent making sure kids were in the right class, and trying to ascertain (that was one of the vocabulary words for today) their skill levels. Since they are brand spanking new to me, and I to them, there will be some of this throughout the first two weeks, I'm sure.
My second period is freaking hilarious. I already know that I have lost at least a little authority over them simply because I couldn't keep a straight face today. I really wasn't expecting that problem, but will be more prepared tomorrow. Hopefully. I think having a more structured schedule will help, as I under-planned just a bit. This was for two reasons. a) as I said before, I wasn't sure of their skill level, and how much I could expect them to complete in a period and b) I'm almost entirely making up this curriculum as I go. For a student-teacher to do that, in addition to everything else (life, work, class, and two other periods to plan for) um...well...that's a lot. At least right now when I still don't know what I'm actually doing.
The only downside so far, as I found out this morning around 1030, is the whole waitng-to-go-to-the-bathroom-thing. And having to share a bathroom with students. Let's just say that it's a little awkward when around, lets just say 1030 this morning, you realize you have to take a dump. Bad. And instead of excusing yourself, and quietly visiting the teachers lounge during passing period, you have to hold it. And when you finally get a chance to visit the throne room, (seven hours later) it's full of teenage girls. Doing nothing. Except hanging out in the bathroom. Apparently waiting to see if your shit does stink. I guarantee you ladies...it does.
For the first day, I don't think it went too bad. A lot of it was spent making sure kids were in the right class, and trying to ascertain (that was one of the vocabulary words for today) their skill levels. Since they are brand spanking new to me, and I to them, there will be some of this throughout the first two weeks, I'm sure.
My second period is freaking hilarious. I already know that I have lost at least a little authority over them simply because I couldn't keep a straight face today. I really wasn't expecting that problem, but will be more prepared tomorrow. Hopefully. I think having a more structured schedule will help, as I under-planned just a bit. This was for two reasons. a) as I said before, I wasn't sure of their skill level, and how much I could expect them to complete in a period and b) I'm almost entirely making up this curriculum as I go. For a student-teacher to do that, in addition to everything else (life, work, class, and two other periods to plan for) um...well...that's a lot. At least right now when I still don't know what I'm actually doing.
The only downside so far, as I found out this morning around 1030, is the whole waitng-to-go-to-the-bathroom-thing. And having to share a bathroom with students. Let's just say that it's a little awkward when around, lets just say 1030 this morning, you realize you have to take a dump. Bad. And instead of excusing yourself, and quietly visiting the teachers lounge during passing period, you have to hold it. And when you finally get a chance to visit the throne room, (seven hours later) it's full of teenage girls. Doing nothing. Except hanging out in the bathroom. Apparently waiting to see if your shit does stink. I guarantee you ladies...it does.
Saturday, January 17
Saturday, July 12
Teaching the Middle
In our classrooms, we teach the middle class.
One more time...
In our classrooms, we teach the middle class.
Ruby Payne's "A Framework for Understanding Poverty," takes this position, and provides generalizations about the low, middle and wealthy classes. An expert on the issue, Payne provides a brief overview of the mentality of poverty in the classroom, and how educators can approach students in this context.
In our classrooms, we teach the middle class. Because, our teachers ARE middle class. The program I am currently in, is so white, is so middle class, it makes me kind of sick. The basic information about the American social classes contained in this book is shocking to the students I share class with, and was my life growing up.
While reading through the first six short chapters, I recognized myself in not the middle class that I might now reflect, but the low class that I grew up in. Recently, I completed a Personal Self-Study for a class, reviewing my own cultural, including economic, background:
It seems unthinkable to me that any adult would be unable to relate to a student that comes from this situation. I felt for most of my childhood, that I was not a child.
How do we, as teachers who will inevitable teach the middle class, relate to those who are not to middle class, and still give them the skills that they need to succeed?
One more time...
In our classrooms, we teach the middle class.
Ruby Payne's "A Framework for Understanding Poverty," takes this position, and provides generalizations about the low, middle and wealthy classes. An expert on the issue, Payne provides a brief overview of the mentality of poverty in the classroom, and how educators can approach students in this context.
In our classrooms, we teach the middle class. Because, our teachers ARE middle class. The program I am currently in, is so white, is so middle class, it makes me kind of sick. The basic information about the American social classes contained in this book is shocking to the students I share class with, and was my life growing up.
While reading through the first six short chapters, I recognized myself in not the middle class that I might now reflect, but the low class that I grew up in. Recently, I completed a Personal Self-Study for a class, reviewing my own cultural, including economic, background:
The culture I grew up in, that is the one that surrounded me, was very different from the one I lived in every day. While I could never describe my upbringing as rich by American standards, I was raised in a white, struggling middle class family. I add the “struggling” to describe my parent’s relationship with money as I grew up. While I rarely felt the effects of the struggle, I was always aware of it: my mother worked three jobs for most of my life, to supplement my father’s two incomes, most Christmas’ I was told how much I could ask for—in dollar amounts—and I was one of the few in High School who bought their own car [after crshing the one that was gifted to me]. The kids I had known since kindergarten had big houses, nice cars and new clothes (and not just in September.) When I turned 16, the legal working age in Washington State, I was essentially told that I must pay my way through life, and got a job. I worked for three years at Target where the kids I went to school with shopped or more frequently, worked for “pot money.” I took on my parent’s need for financial security and got a second job when I turned 17, working part-time as a nanny.
It seems unthinkable to me that any adult would be unable to relate to a student that comes from this situation. I felt for most of my childhood, that I was not a child.
How do we, as teachers who will inevitable teach the middle class, relate to those who are not to middle class, and still give them the skills that they need to succeed?
Monday, July 7
Comprehension Questions
In response to:
Read the whole post here.
A little nibbler for you:
From Dictionary.com:
I can attest to the fact that there is a right answer to any comprehension question. Teachers will try to persuade you, NO! of course there is not a right answer. Comprehension, UNDERSTANDING, is an individual process and every student will process the information differently. But, I argue, how could there not be a right answer? There is, in almost every case, a wrong answer. The one that a student gives, after reading the passage or completing the activity, that the teacher responds to with another question.
“Well, yes, that’s correct…”
If it’s correct, why are you trying to dissuade this student from believing so by asking this next question…
“…but what about xyz?” Often this last part is a “clarifying” question. What exactly is being clarified? The student’s understanding of the text, or your understanding of the student?
Sometimes, a teacher will ask the why. Why do you think that? How do you know this is true? These take comprehension one step further, closer to that process of making meaning than the initial question provokes. The big one, the one that is messy and rarely is asked because it’s messy: How does this apply to you? That’s where meaning is made.
Posed in many ways depending on the grade level, the subject, and the class itself, teachers are rarely looking for the connection between the student and the subject. Enough comprehension, as assessed by correct answers to the curriculum questions, will assure that at least medium-level (at best) thinking is attained. To ensure that students know why this lesson on math, science, bullying, sentence structure, sexual health is important, they have to make it important to themselves. Comprehension strategies, as taught to teachers who use them in class, do little of this.
The original post has a great link to that list of questions that we, and I’ll include myself thus far, are using to assess student comprehension. Are these worthwhile? Are they relevant to today’s student?
“Too often our instruction, assessments, and classroom discussions favor the notion that comprehension as a commodity focusing on carrying away or measuring some amount of knowledge or attribute produced from a reading event rather than an active, meaning making process of understanding the world.
So my question to you, friends, is this:
Is this what it really means to be a reader in the 21st Century?”
Read the whole post here.
A little nibbler for you:
From Dictionary.com:
com•pre•hend - Show Spelled Pronunciation[kom-pri-hend] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used with object)
1. to understand the nature or meaning of; grasp with the mind; perceive: He did not comprehend the significance of the ambassador's remark.
2. to take in or embrace; include; comprise: The course will comprehend all facets of Japanese culture.
________________________________________
[Origin: 1350–1400; ME comprehenden < L comprehendere, equiv. to com- COM- + prehendere to grasp; see PREHENSILE ]
From etymonline.com
comprehend
1340, "to grasp with the mind," from L. comprehendere "to grasp, seize," from com- "completely" + prehendere "to catch hold of, seize" (see prehensile). Comprehensive "containing much" is from 1662.
I can attest to the fact that there is a right answer to any comprehension question. Teachers will try to persuade you, NO! of course there is not a right answer. Comprehension, UNDERSTANDING, is an individual process and every student will process the information differently. But, I argue, how could there not be a right answer? There is, in almost every case, a wrong answer. The one that a student gives, after reading the passage or completing the activity, that the teacher responds to with another question.
“Well, yes, that’s correct…”
If it’s correct, why are you trying to dissuade this student from believing so by asking this next question…
“…but what about xyz?” Often this last part is a “clarifying” question. What exactly is being clarified? The student’s understanding of the text, or your understanding of the student?
Sometimes, a teacher will ask the why. Why do you think that? How do you know this is true? These take comprehension one step further, closer to that process of making meaning than the initial question provokes. The big one, the one that is messy and rarely is asked because it’s messy: How does this apply to you? That’s where meaning is made.
Posed in many ways depending on the grade level, the subject, and the class itself, teachers are rarely looking for the connection between the student and the subject. Enough comprehension, as assessed by correct answers to the curriculum questions, will assure that at least medium-level (at best) thinking is attained. To ensure that students know why this lesson on math, science, bullying, sentence structure, sexual health is important, they have to make it important to themselves. Comprehension strategies, as taught to teachers who use them in class, do little of this.
The original post has a great link to that list of questions that we, and I’ll include myself thus far, are using to assess student comprehension. Are these worthwhile? Are they relevant to today’s student?
Tuesday, June 17
SSP=shameless self promotion
In honor of the fabulous opportunity recently presented, I thought I would enter into a short season of shameless self promotion. Here, in really no particular order, are some recent thoughts I've posted on this blog about teaching, learning and education:
why are we teaching it?
Why I want to teach middle school
T-t-teaching
Probation over!
Comfortable
If you'd like to check out more personal blogs, make sure to click on the tags to the right!
why are we teaching it?
Why I want to teach middle school
T-t-teaching
Probation over!
Comfortable
If you'd like to check out more personal blogs, make sure to click on the tags to the right!
fhwghads!
So I guess it was worth it!
I didn't tell you all (and now there is more of you!) but last week sometime, I "applied" in response to a guest blogger post that I saw on a blog I subscribe to. It's much more professional than mine. But I thought, what the hay, I might as well spend the five minutes and send an email. Who's it gonna hurt, right?
And you'll never believe it...today, my "application" post was linked from said blog! See it? Title: sheep, writer: ME! Yowsahs! Maybe I should go back and watch what I say...
I have always wanted to write professionally. (It is, after all, what I studied and live for.) And this was a fairly no stress way for me to try it out if given the opportunity. Who knows, if this teaching gig doesn't work out, maybe I can fall back on blogging...?
(HILARIOUS SIDE NOTE: I'm working in the teen center right now, and some kid just walked by saying to another teen "...who knows, maybe you can get famous just by blogging..." Is that you God?)
And finally, P.S. I tried to find the Strong Bad cartoon that references the title of this post, but can't. If you do, link it in the comments!
I didn't tell you all (and now there is more of you!) but last week sometime, I "applied" in response to a guest blogger post that I saw on a blog I subscribe to. It's much more professional than mine. But I thought, what the hay, I might as well spend the five minutes and send an email. Who's it gonna hurt, right?
And you'll never believe it...today, my "application" post was linked from said blog! See it? Title: sheep, writer: ME! Yowsahs! Maybe I should go back and watch what I say...
I have always wanted to write professionally. (It is, after all, what I studied and live for.) And this was a fairly no stress way for me to try it out if given the opportunity. Who knows, if this teaching gig doesn't work out, maybe I can fall back on blogging...?
(HILARIOUS SIDE NOTE: I'm working in the teen center right now, and some kid just walked by saying to another teen "...who knows, maybe you can get famous just by blogging..." Is that you God?)
And finally, P.S. I tried to find the Strong Bad cartoon that references the title of this post, but can't. If you do, link it in the comments!
Friday, June 13
why are we teaching it?
I have seen this in a few different places. And I couldn't take it anymore after reading it here again, so I have to add my few cents, it might be more than two.
Teach42 does a good job of at least looking for other reasons that students might skip class, but I'm not sure I've seen the obvious addressed: school sucks.
Why would any teenager want to be in that seat, unless you're forcing them to be? Are we, as teachers, educators, policy makers, giving teens a reason to come to school? And stay in school?
I must admit that even I throw around the term relevant like it was cheese on a pizza, but what does it mean for a HS kid who would rather spend his (or her) day lounging on someones sofa than in an uncomfortable desk, in an uncomfortable classroom, with awkward teenagers all around you? How do you make THAT situation relevant? Is it?
I say no. Rather, I say NO.
So...how do we fix that? Can we? yes. Yes!
By asking
1) what is it that kids NEED to know
2) what is it that kids WANT to know
3) how do those two things overlap
Teaching Pythagoreans theorem, while maybe nice to know, is NOT NECESSARY. I was never able to figure out how to actually use it, and to this day, have never actually used it. How to dissect pigs hearts may demonstrate important and transferable knowledge about our own health; dissecting sentences does not.
What are you teaching that you dread? What are you teaching that is totally and completely irrelevant? Most likely, if you hate it, so will your students. And once they wise up even just a little, and figure out that they don't HAVE to come to class after the age of 16, or whatever it might be in your state, they won't. Drop out rates--LOOK OUT!
Teach42 does a good job of at least looking for other reasons that students might skip class, but I'm not sure I've seen the obvious addressed: school sucks.
Why would any teenager want to be in that seat, unless you're forcing them to be? Are we, as teachers, educators, policy makers, giving teens a reason to come to school? And stay in school?
I must admit that even I throw around the term relevant like it was cheese on a pizza, but what does it mean for a HS kid who would rather spend his (or her) day lounging on someones sofa than in an uncomfortable desk, in an uncomfortable classroom, with awkward teenagers all around you? How do you make THAT situation relevant? Is it?
I say no. Rather, I say NO.
So...how do we fix that? Can we? yes. Yes!
By asking
1) what is it that kids NEED to know
2) what is it that kids WANT to know
3) how do those two things overlap
Teaching Pythagoreans theorem, while maybe nice to know, is NOT NECESSARY. I was never able to figure out how to actually use it, and to this day, have never actually used it. How to dissect pigs hearts may demonstrate important and transferable knowledge about our own health; dissecting sentences does not.
What are you teaching that you dread? What are you teaching that is totally and completely irrelevant? Most likely, if you hate it, so will your students. And once they wise up even just a little, and figure out that they don't HAVE to come to class after the age of 16, or whatever it might be in your state, they won't. Drop out rates--LOOK OUT!
Wednesday, May 14
What to do when someone leaves
I know I've mentioned this before, asking prayer for my cohort as we wait to see how things shake themselves out. Well, they shook. And it looks like we got left in the dust. (another mention here)
The first semester of my program ended last week, and this morning, we received an email from our cohort leader stating that she had resigned from her position effective immediately. Emotion and sap dripped from every word of this email, and while I can't say I wouldn't expect less, I would have asked for more professionalism. An email? Really? Is this the new dear John letter, a way of shirking responsibility, and remaining humble by way of words?
I feel angered, not only at this particular professor whom I have tried to like and just can't, but at the program who let this continue through an entire semester. And now a truly professional teacher will be filling the void, taking on undue responsibility, over the purview of her contract I'm sure, and because of someone else's selfishness.
I am tempted to say good riddance to this instructor. But I will not, and instead wish her the best of luck in whatever she chooses to pursue. I know that she will need it. But I know also, that this will foundationally shake our cohort, myself included. My questions about whether to stay in the program are resurfacing. Do I really want to teach? Do i want to learn to teach from them? What are my other options? Is this what teaching is like...always?
I'm at a loss. At a real loss. And I rarely feel that way.
The first semester of my program ended last week, and this morning, we received an email from our cohort leader stating that she had resigned from her position effective immediately. Emotion and sap dripped from every word of this email, and while I can't say I wouldn't expect less, I would have asked for more professionalism. An email? Really? Is this the new dear John letter, a way of shirking responsibility, and remaining humble by way of words?
I feel angered, not only at this particular professor whom I have tried to like and just can't, but at the program who let this continue through an entire semester. And now a truly professional teacher will be filling the void, taking on undue responsibility, over the purview of her contract I'm sure, and because of someone else's selfishness.
I am tempted to say good riddance to this instructor. But I will not, and instead wish her the best of luck in whatever she chooses to pursue. I know that she will need it. But I know also, that this will foundationally shake our cohort, myself included. My questions about whether to stay in the program are resurfacing. Do I really want to teach? Do i want to learn to teach from them? What are my other options? Is this what teaching is like...always?
I'm at a loss. At a real loss. And I rarely feel that way.
Friday, May 9
Probation over!
I finished my first semester as a grad student! And, as far as I can tell, it was a complete and utter success!
I began the year on academic probation, since I didn't have the requisite GPA to actually be admitted to the program. Right now, I have a 4.0 and am sitting pretty! I think this could be the first 4.0 I've ever had in my life. I guess it proves the theory that if a student is interested in the topic, they will learn it.
I have no delusions that the program will get harder. A LOT harder, if the unsmiling faces of the cohort that is about to graduate tells me anything. But I will stay positive and blame that on the lack of sleep rather than anything more sinister.
I am however, a little frustrated at a grade I received last night. I wrote a paper ( the one I said I would post when I finished it, and never did) and the grade seemed more subjective than anything. We weren't given a rubric, much less a clear assignment, to write from, so the points lost were for, ok get this, voice. Mechanics are arguable, as I'm coming from a strong MLA background and having to write APA. Not a whole lot different, but I'm also not going to argue with my teachers PHD. Yet. However, in an academic synthesis paper, one where I would assume voice would be unappreciated unless previously notified (hence the reason for giving your students clear instructions, and a rubric ahead of time) losing points on a paper for it is ludicrous. Not only that, but every paper I've ever written has the same voice, a very professional overtone, seeking to establish authority, rather than find a peer. I might have to say something. I will say something. That just pisses me off.
PS. I will post the paper soon.
I began the year on academic probation, since I didn't have the requisite GPA to actually be admitted to the program. Right now, I have a 4.0 and am sitting pretty! I think this could be the first 4.0 I've ever had in my life. I guess it proves the theory that if a student is interested in the topic, they will learn it.
I have no delusions that the program will get harder. A LOT harder, if the unsmiling faces of the cohort that is about to graduate tells me anything. But I will stay positive and blame that on the lack of sleep rather than anything more sinister.
I am however, a little frustrated at a grade I received last night. I wrote a paper ( the one I said I would post when I finished it, and never did) and the grade seemed more subjective than anything. We weren't given a rubric, much less a clear assignment, to write from, so the points lost were for, ok get this, voice. Mechanics are arguable, as I'm coming from a strong MLA background and having to write APA. Not a whole lot different, but I'm also not going to argue with my teachers PHD. Yet. However, in an academic synthesis paper, one where I would assume voice would be unappreciated unless previously notified (hence the reason for giving your students clear instructions, and a rubric ahead of time) losing points on a paper for it is ludicrous. Not only that, but every paper I've ever written has the same voice, a very professional overtone, seeking to establish authority, rather than find a peer. I might have to say something. I will say something. That just pisses me off.
PS. I will post the paper soon.
Thursday, March 20
Thursday, March 13
Network
I was talking with a coworker this morning about something really cool that we'll get to do coming up here soon. Our employer is putting together a training on Web 2.0 tools. And she was working on her content contribution regarding social networking and how it can be an asset in the workplace. It reminded me of some posts I had recently read, I will link them here and here.
My coworker was asking if I thought I would add any site to her list beyond the basic (isn't funny how they're already basic?) MySpace and Facebook etc. It occurred to me that maybe we should mention career-specific sites. One that I like, and though have not yet become a proficient user of, and really it would be considered a wiki more than a social netowrking site, is Curriki.org.
The idea behind it is that users set up a profile, and then add content that is then a public teaching resource. It's netowrking because you're able to contact one another for teaching/learning opportunities, but it's a wiki because of the forum. Another thing that occured to me is a conversation I had with a friend the other day. The same friend who I had coffee with, who I speak so seldom to anymore because it seems to have become strained and awkward. He said he was reading my blog. And that's ok with me. There is more of me on here, than probably anywhere else. And if our friendship continues in a more virtual way, if it allows us to be more open and truthful, I welcome that. At least I can't say that we don't talk anymore.
Communication is changing. And I am welcoming the change. I am also questioning the way we are doing things, still. But With chnage brings new growth. And growth brings beauty. Hopefully.
How about you? What do you use to network?
My coworker was asking if I thought I would add any site to her list beyond the basic (isn't funny how they're already basic?) MySpace and Facebook etc. It occurred to me that maybe we should mention career-specific sites. One that I like, and though have not yet become a proficient user of, and really it would be considered a wiki more than a social netowrking site, is Curriki.org.
The idea behind it is that users set up a profile, and then add content that is then a public teaching resource. It's netowrking because you're able to contact one another for teaching/learning opportunities, but it's a wiki because of the forum. Another thing that occured to me is a conversation I had with a friend the other day. The same friend who I had coffee with, who I speak so seldom to anymore because it seems to have become strained and awkward. He said he was reading my blog. And that's ok with me. There is more of me on here, than probably anywhere else. And if our friendship continues in a more virtual way, if it allows us to be more open and truthful, I welcome that. At least I can't say that we don't talk anymore.
Communication is changing. And I am welcoming the change. I am also questioning the way we are doing things, still. But With chnage brings new growth. And growth brings beauty. Hopefully.
How about you? What do you use to network?
Tuesday, February 26
Angst
I'm still having a hard time deciding which grade level to teach. A friend in my class, who truthfully doesn't know me all that well personally but whose opinion I respect the utmost regardless, said to me this weekend that she thought I should teach at the elementary level. And it hit me in the heart. Like someone told me they loved me. Words that resound as truth, even if flippantly cast from the lips. But to be honest in return, I don't know if I have what it takes to teach there. And I'm scared to.
I'm scared that I would fall into the category "teacher" rather than woman. That I would be seen as a woman with thirty children, who has no need for more, or any of her own. That I would resort to wearing shapeless yet comfortable shift dresses and wooden bead necklaces in hopes to downplay my shapely figure so as not to bring on puberty too early for any youngster.
And I don't know that I can completely convey my fear of teaching every subject to a class of thirty-some developing minds that I'm not sure I can completely comprehend. Not that I would say I have a firm grasp on the subject that I am pursuing to teach either.
I'm almost two months in the sixteen that it will take me to finish this program to be certified "teacher," and I'm still having these doubts. I think an experience I had today might best show rather than tell the heart part of this dilema:
I do an outreach storytime at a nearby elementary school. I look forward to walking into the first grade classrooms. The smiles, the cheerful hello's and "I saw you"s. The hugs. Oh...the hugs. It's nearly always the best part of my day, even if the rest of it is hurried, and hard and no fun. However, today, it got better. One of the little girls from that class saw me while I was away from the library. Just a normal person. And she hugged me, sat next to me, told me about her day, thought hard when I asked her a question. And I loved seeing her. She didn't cut into my personal life. I didn't lack confidence, or feel awkward though her father was obviously curious as to my identity and relationship with his child. I was a teacher, friend. And it made me second-guess myself again. Who do I teach? The one's like this; young and lovable even when they are not, or the older, more moldable, hard to reach and unendingly gratifyingly when you do?
I'm scared that I would fall into the category "teacher" rather than woman. That I would be seen as a woman with thirty children, who has no need for more, or any of her own. That I would resort to wearing shapeless yet comfortable shift dresses and wooden bead necklaces in hopes to downplay my shapely figure so as not to bring on puberty too early for any youngster.
And I don't know that I can completely convey my fear of teaching every subject to a class of thirty-some developing minds that I'm not sure I can completely comprehend. Not that I would say I have a firm grasp on the subject that I am pursuing to teach either.
I'm almost two months in the sixteen that it will take me to finish this program to be certified "teacher," and I'm still having these doubts. I think an experience I had today might best show rather than tell the heart part of this dilema:
I do an outreach storytime at a nearby elementary school. I look forward to walking into the first grade classrooms. The smiles, the cheerful hello's and "I saw you"s. The hugs. Oh...the hugs. It's nearly always the best part of my day, even if the rest of it is hurried, and hard and no fun. However, today, it got better. One of the little girls from that class saw me while I was away from the library. Just a normal person. And she hugged me, sat next to me, told me about her day, thought hard when I asked her a question. And I loved seeing her. She didn't cut into my personal life. I didn't lack confidence, or feel awkward though her father was obviously curious as to my identity and relationship with his child. I was a teacher, friend. And it made me second-guess myself again. Who do I teach? The one's like this; young and lovable even when they are not, or the older, more moldable, hard to reach and unendingly gratifyingly when you do?
Sunday, February 24
Comfortable
I'm taking a class right now, and we're discussing the place of soul in education. And it made me think about my own soul, in the place of my own education.
I define my own education as all of the things that have taught me something. In and out of a classroom. And most recently, my education has taken the form of soul-education. A combining of soul growth, and learning that is linked and entwined in ways I never thought possible, and now can never imagine apart.
Does soul have a place in our world anymore? It has been stripped down to something so much less than it is. I was talking to some friends today about how I've come to see the interconnectedness of everything, world, nature, society, person. And the disconnect that I experience is when I most notice the soul. Shouldn't it be the other way around: shouldn't I see the soul, the spirit, when I am most connected to those things around me?
I think about a good friend that I am no longer "good" friends with. The connection was intimate in a soul way; deep and spiritual rather than physical. I say that because so often the physical is temporary, instantaneous, rather than lasting. And to confuse them is to misunderstand the connection. I am having coffee with this friend this week, whom I haven't seen in nearly a year. And I realize the intimacy not when it was there (past tense) but now that it is not there (present tense). And this affects my soul more than when we were.
How do I even understand "soul?" Is it the same as you do? We may define, describe, speak of, this abstract object in the same way, but is my experience even something relatable to another person? Would my good friend, who touched my soul, who still touches my soul, who with just the thought of their name can bring tears of joy and grief and loss and love to my heart, would they even say I was a soul friend of theirs?
What is the meaning of soul?
I'm so much more comfortable with not knowing, remaining unknown, than I was even a year ago. I still long for those things. But I think I'm learning that the idea is one I need more time with.
I define my own education as all of the things that have taught me something. In and out of a classroom. And most recently, my education has taken the form of soul-education. A combining of soul growth, and learning that is linked and entwined in ways I never thought possible, and now can never imagine apart.
Does soul have a place in our world anymore? It has been stripped down to something so much less than it is. I was talking to some friends today about how I've come to see the interconnectedness of everything, world, nature, society, person. And the disconnect that I experience is when I most notice the soul. Shouldn't it be the other way around: shouldn't I see the soul, the spirit, when I am most connected to those things around me?
I think about a good friend that I am no longer "good" friends with. The connection was intimate in a soul way; deep and spiritual rather than physical. I say that because so often the physical is temporary, instantaneous, rather than lasting. And to confuse them is to misunderstand the connection. I am having coffee with this friend this week, whom I haven't seen in nearly a year. And I realize the intimacy not when it was there (past tense) but now that it is not there (present tense). And this affects my soul more than when we were.
How do I even understand "soul?" Is it the same as you do? We may define, describe, speak of, this abstract object in the same way, but is my experience even something relatable to another person? Would my good friend, who touched my soul, who still touches my soul, who with just the thought of their name can bring tears of joy and grief and loss and love to my heart, would they even say I was a soul friend of theirs?
What is the meaning of soul?
I'm so much more comfortable with not knowing, remaining unknown, than I was even a year ago. I still long for those things. But I think I'm learning that the idea is one I need more time with.
Friday, February 15
3 more days
Day 1 - Email a New Reader
Well, since I would consider this blog more than less an infant, with something like an embryonic readership who has yet the wherewithal to communicate, I announced in class last night that I blog. We were supposed to bring a symbol of personal development, something that would tell something about ourselves not yet revealed. I balked at this. These people are my peers, quickly becoming my friends, but they are not privy to the innermost details of my personal development. I might have brought a ball of yarn- I began knitting and crocheting as a way to dull the boredom of long hours left after a term of Americorps Service with nothing to do. Or a book- I read and discuss with friends more intimate details that inspire, require, growth. Some of all of this is recorded here, and some professional development as well, so I mentioned it, and I'm going to count that as my Day 1 Assignment.
Day 2 - Run a ‘First Time Reader Audit’ on your Blog
I will have to do this this weekend.
Day 3 - Search for and Join a Forum
I joined this forum a long time a go, wrote my profile (not much) and have yet to really get involved. But everytime I venture back over there, I remember just how valuable this resource is, and want to be more a part of it, adding where I can, and reaping the benefits of it. If you haven't searched for online teaching resources yet, there are a TON of them! Blogs, forums, lesson plans, everything you can think of. If you thought your building was collaborative, the web is even more so. Find something that works for you, and work to make it better with your own additions.
Already, with just these few reflections, I can tell that I will want to keep these things seperate. The questions I keep asking myself, is how? How to perforate the one from the other, the personal from the professional, when they are so innately entwined? What I mean is this: I am a human being, working with other human beings, towards the betterment of all human beings. Do divisions of personal and professional even exist in that? Should they?
And for a little break...take a listen over here.
Well, since I would consider this blog more than less an infant, with something like an embryonic readership who has yet the wherewithal to communicate, I announced in class last night that I blog. We were supposed to bring a symbol of personal development, something that would tell something about ourselves not yet revealed. I balked at this. These people are my peers, quickly becoming my friends, but they are not privy to the innermost details of my personal development. I might have brought a ball of yarn- I began knitting and crocheting as a way to dull the boredom of long hours left after a term of Americorps Service with nothing to do. Or a book- I read and discuss with friends more intimate details that inspire, require, growth. Some of all of this is recorded here, and some professional development as well, so I mentioned it, and I'm going to count that as my Day 1 Assignment.
Day 2 - Run a ‘First Time Reader Audit’ on your Blog
I will have to do this this weekend.
Day 3 - Search for and Join a Forum
I joined this forum a long time a go, wrote my profile (not much) and have yet to really get involved. But everytime I venture back over there, I remember just how valuable this resource is, and want to be more a part of it, adding where I can, and reaping the benefits of it. If you haven't searched for online teaching resources yet, there are a TON of them! Blogs, forums, lesson plans, everything you can think of. If you thought your building was collaborative, the web is even more so. Find something that works for you, and work to make it better with your own additions.
Already, with just these few reflections, I can tell that I will want to keep these things seperate. The questions I keep asking myself, is how? How to perforate the one from the other, the personal from the professional, when they are so innately entwined? What I mean is this: I am a human being, working with other human beings, towards the betterment of all human beings. Do divisions of personal and professional even exist in that? Should they?
And for a little break...take a listen over here.
Friday, January 11
Sheep
I had my first day of class last night. And I can't say how much I was underwhelmed.
Aside from feeling unprepared, I already feel like arguing with the author of the text, belittling her for the shortsightedness in the decision to use the art of Norman Rockwell to depict modern and historical theories, practices and caricatures of teaching. I seem to be the only one with this thought however. We went over graphic organizers...flow charts, thought maps, etc. Some had already prepared one before class outlining their thoughts on chapter one, our previously assigned reading. I must have missed that part while I focused on the giant neon flashing "This is racist, bigoted propaganda you're reading here " sign in the text...I hope this doesn't affect my learning.
The class, which I have been assured by the previous cohort that came in to placate ahem, assure us that will become our family before the end of the program, is a mixed bag of crazies. So your standard faculty of teachers. A few are already certified teachers, already practicing in the classroom for various amounts of time. Some have worked in classrooms as aides, special education assistants and otherwise. And the rest are social workers, salesmen, admission advisors, and mormons. Just kidding. Not really.
On the one hand, I am still excited about this class. I didn't have all of my paperwork signed before class last night, so in addition to not enjoying the discussion, I am a week behind, and failed to make an "I'm so excited I just about peed my pants" impression on the instructor.
If I sound bitter, cynical, it's probably because I am. I'm not sure anymore if I'm ready for this. I'm not sure anymore if I should be doing this. And I'm not sure anymore if this is all a good thing, or if the world will be ending too soon for any of my hemming and hawing to matter.
If the world doesn't end, I know I will die. I'm kind of on a fatalist kick. I feel like I should do some research and study before I start seriously labeling myself like that. There was however, an interesting experience I had yesterday that made me wonder if all of this trying is even worth it.
I regularly read several blogs. One of the new one's that I have subscribed to is written by a teacher somewhere in the midwest who is obviously more, or at least as much as, cynical as I. She recently wrote about a former student who was still in school, several years after having taught him. When would he age out of the system? Why was he still allowed in the school system at his age (20)? I felt offended that this educator could see only to the end of her own prejudices, and not as far as her job description. Most states require that public(free) education be provided and available to students up to the age as stated by the age set forth by law. Each states age maximum is different. One: that she didn't know the law she is held to as an educator is shameful. Two: that she would feel it an offense of her propriety to complete her contracted (perhaps tenured) duties.
So...I am struck but not sunk. I'm hoping some good debate will sufficiently knock the optimism and hope out of me so that I can complete my human-to-sheep-transformation as soon as possible, as painlessly as possible.
Aside from feeling unprepared, I already feel like arguing with the author of the text, belittling her for the shortsightedness in the decision to use the art of Norman Rockwell to depict modern and historical theories, practices and caricatures of teaching. I seem to be the only one with this thought however. We went over graphic organizers...flow charts, thought maps, etc. Some had already prepared one before class outlining their thoughts on chapter one, our previously assigned reading. I must have missed that part while I focused on the giant neon flashing "This is racist, bigoted propaganda you're reading here " sign in the text...I hope this doesn't affect my learning.
The class, which I have been assured by the previous cohort that came in to placate ahem, assure us that will become our family before the end of the program, is a mixed bag of crazies. So your standard faculty of teachers. A few are already certified teachers, already practicing in the classroom for various amounts of time. Some have worked in classrooms as aides, special education assistants and otherwise. And the rest are social workers, salesmen, admission advisors, and mormons. Just kidding. Not really.
On the one hand, I am still excited about this class. I didn't have all of my paperwork signed before class last night, so in addition to not enjoying the discussion, I am a week behind, and failed to make an "I'm so excited I just about peed my pants" impression on the instructor.
If I sound bitter, cynical, it's probably because I am. I'm not sure anymore if I'm ready for this. I'm not sure anymore if I should be doing this. And I'm not sure anymore if this is all a good thing, or if the world will be ending too soon for any of my hemming and hawing to matter.
If the world doesn't end, I know I will die. I'm kind of on a fatalist kick. I feel like I should do some research and study before I start seriously labeling myself like that. There was however, an interesting experience I had yesterday that made me wonder if all of this trying is even worth it.
I regularly read several blogs. One of the new one's that I have subscribed to is written by a teacher somewhere in the midwest who is obviously more, or at least as much as, cynical as I. She recently wrote about a former student who was still in school, several years after having taught him. When would he age out of the system? Why was he still allowed in the school system at his age (20)? I felt offended that this educator could see only to the end of her own prejudices, and not as far as her job description. Most states require that public(free) education be provided and available to students up to the age as stated by the age set forth by law. Each states age maximum is different. One: that she didn't know the law she is held to as an educator is shameful. Two: that she would feel it an offense of her propriety to complete her contracted (perhaps tenured) duties.
So...I am struck but not sunk. I'm hoping some good debate will sufficiently knock the optimism and hope out of me so that I can complete my human-to-sheep-transformation as soon as possible, as painlessly as possible.
Thursday, January 3
{Professional} development
I'm seriously considering starting another blog. For several reasons.
One: I would like to chronicle my experiences as a new and upcoming teacher separately from the experiences I write about here. Obviously, date nights and lesson plans don't really coincide.
Two: I would like to try another server. Maybe Typepade. Maybe wordpress. Something with a little more oomph.
Three: I think that's it really. Is that enough? Would a more professional appearance allow me to use the blog format in the interviewing process? Since I have considered using blogging/wikis in the classroom, it would be appropriate to introduce prospective employers to the concept by way of lesson plans and educationally related posts, would it not?
I will have to think on it a little more. I don't know if I have the time, honestly, for two virtual personas. And I have gained a fondness for this little piece of space and time that is mine here. Would it be too cold and crass any other way?
One: I would like to chronicle my experiences as a new and upcoming teacher separately from the experiences I write about here. Obviously, date nights and lesson plans don't really coincide.
Two: I would like to try another server. Maybe Typepade. Maybe wordpress. Something with a little more oomph.
Three: I think that's it really. Is that enough? Would a more professional appearance allow me to use the blog format in the interviewing process? Since I have considered using blogging/wikis in the classroom, it would be appropriate to introduce prospective employers to the concept by way of lesson plans and educationally related posts, would it not?
I will have to think on it a little more. I don't know if I have the time, honestly, for two virtual personas. And I have gained a fondness for this little piece of space and time that is mine here. Would it be too cold and crass any other way?
Wednesday, December 19
goody-ness
I am so excited. I have my books. I'm trying to find all those forms that I should have filled out and turned in months ago. And reaquainting myself with the idea that I will be a student again. I am the youngest (it appears) person in my cohort. And Now that that cat's out of the bag, I kind of wish it wasn't. I don't think for a second they won't hold it against me, even if they don't mean to. Some young punk too honest in her inquiry, and brash and brazen all over coming in and taking over their non-trad program? Yeah...that's what I do. I'll take that A now.
Wednesday, December 12
Plan A
I looked at jobs in New York last night.
I have this dream, that I will teach in the innercitysomewhere, where I will save lives and make friends based simply on the love of language. The words that you and I hold common. Bring together the young and old, the traditional and the avant garde, make song and music that ring until the lights go down, which they never do in NYC. That I will be the one that someone calls in the middle of the night when they're in trouble. Because they trust me. That I will make difference. A real difference. The kind that can been seen and touched and felt in the eyes and faces of the lives I teach.
But even as I entertain this fantasy, make plans I know I will never act on and if I do will come dangerously close to pursuing, I know that I will not live that life, and not do those things. Not because I am incapabale. But because, as of right now those are my plans. They are the things that I want to do. And I don't have any single person or thing to take into account or hold me accountable otherwise. Because I am choosing not to believe.
Not to believe that I have a greater purpose than what even I can think of. Not to believe that there are people and programs elsewhere that will need me, New York can handle itself. Not to believe in my own strenght, that I will need five times over if I choose to stay and do whatever it is that I know already, before even knowing what it is, that Idon't want to do.
Sometimes it's the unbelief that gets us there, rather than the belief. If we believe too much in something, if we know too much and take too much of it for granted, we might not do it. We might choose our own way.
I have this dream, that I will teach in the innercitysomewhere, where I will save lives and make friends based simply on the love of language. The words that you and I hold common. Bring together the young and old, the traditional and the avant garde, make song and music that ring until the lights go down, which they never do in NYC. That I will be the one that someone calls in the middle of the night when they're in trouble. Because they trust me. That I will make difference. A real difference. The kind that can been seen and touched and felt in the eyes and faces of the lives I teach.
But even as I entertain this fantasy, make plans I know I will never act on and if I do will come dangerously close to pursuing, I know that I will not live that life, and not do those things. Not because I am incapabale. But because, as of right now those are my plans. They are the things that I want to do. And I don't have any single person or thing to take into account or hold me accountable otherwise. Because I am choosing not to believe.
Not to believe that I have a greater purpose than what even I can think of. Not to believe that there are people and programs elsewhere that will need me, New York can handle itself. Not to believe in my own strenght, that I will need five times over if I choose to stay and do whatever it is that I know already, before even knowing what it is, that Idon't want to do.
Sometimes it's the unbelief that gets us there, rather than the belief. If we believe too much in something, if we know too much and take too much of it for granted, we might not do it. We might choose our own way.
Saturday, October 20
Blogging...really?
So I was reading today about how blogging can really, actually, effectually change the way that students learn. But that it takes a fundamental change in the way skills are taught and portrayed, even presented. It takes a new kind of commitment; the kind that says…no I will not tell you that, but instead, I will show how to do it. And in this case, I will add a link or two that might help. I suppose it’s the old, feed a man or teach him how to fish in play here a little bit.
One thing that became painfully clear, was that while this might be a fantastic way to learn, and in fact teach kids who are already more familiar with this technology than I, does it mean that they will learn the skills, but not how to relate it in any other way than through a third party, and third, more non-relational party? Is relationship in learning even necessary? Has it been? Should it be?
If we are to overcome issues such as poverty, abuse, neglect and other social ills, if you will, as educational obstacles, then I say yes. If we are to treat each student the same, regardless of outside factors, then perhaps not. Or do we see providing such technology, as a great equalizer?
I realize these are a lot of questions, and really I don’t think there are answers. In any given situation, a yes and a no is applicable, and arguably, right.
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