tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72047782024-03-07T02:40:06.495-07:00everydayjaeRANDOM: musings, ramblings, rants, meditations. General therapy to take place at no cost. And a whole lot of freedom of expression.everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.comBlogger308125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-52786598046644545212013-06-29T18:33:00.004-06:002013-06-29T18:33:26.982-06:00I'm such a snobA paleo snob that. is. You see, I've been playing with eating paleo for the last few years. I've finally figured out that it REALLY does make me feel better, it REALLY does make me look better, and I'm finally REALLY doing it. Keeping track of ingredients, paying attention to macronutrients consumed, and loving every paleo-snob minute of it.<br />
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But you see, this blog post is about the snob part. You see, the tracker I use to calculate paleo recipes and keep track of those nutrients is not paleo specific. And the emails I find in my inbox and the banners that flash across the page when I enter in my daily fuel scream conventional wisdom at me, and it makes me sad. Not because of all those poor people that follow the conventional wisdom, although I get sad about that too, but because these people, the ones writing the articles, posting the "low-cal" recipes, and just in general advising millions of people, SHOULD KNOW BETTER.<br />
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Shouldn't they? I mean, come on! How is it possible that this way of eating has gone virtually undetected in our hugely unsatisfying weight loss industry for so long? How did these people, that studied nutrition and fitness and practiced all kinds of sport, never NOTICED that their diets required these things that paleo pronounces? Perhaps they were taught wrongly, yes. But how can someone whose entire career based on health never change their thinking? Do they read? Do they continue their education? Do they diversify their sources of these two things?<br />
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So, I have become a snob. And I'm ok with it. I would be happy to engage in a discussion on why paleo, to whatever extent and even with my limited knowledge, is necessary for your well being. I will not harass you about it, but I will educate you.everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-9768654578875324962013-05-13T21:07:00.002-06:002013-05-13T21:08:24.486-06:00Summer MelancholyI've been wanting to write lately. I don't know what to say or how to say it, but I want to write. I want to form words and phrases and make them make sense, because it seems like nothing makes sense and words are more easily controlled than people, or emotions, or life, or the breeze that changes the direction of the sails. And I want to make something beautiful, because I do not feel beautiful. I feel fat, and ugly, and imperfect, and like I've been spit out on the floor like chewed leather.<br />
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I read a post similar to this from one of my favorite bloggers. She is from the same city I grew up in, and now lives in Portland, Or. with her beautiful little family. She described my exact mood in more perfect words than I ever could and she named them so appropriately. I, too, am mildly melancholy. Not the kind of melancholy that brings sweaters and long weekends without the soul-cleansing powers of showers. But the kind that sort of sits, just outside of your grasp. The kind that sinks in slowly, and leaves even slower. The kind that comes with release and holding on. And, boy, do I have a lot to release. And I struggle to want to hold one, because what if I can't hold it tight enough? Or worse, what if I hold on so tight I strangle it?<br />
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I love the power of words, and I only wish I could find better ones to say I love you.everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-53425964054044507532013-01-10T10:24:00.002-07:002013-01-10T10:25:18.305-07:00Snow Day!Snow day 2013! While I have done SOME work, in the form of grading (late) essays that were submitted online while in the comfort and warmth of the coffee shop within the closest walking distance to my house, it has thus far been a fairly relaxed morning. And I'm thankful for it.<br />
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The last few weeks have gone by fast and furious. Work, workouts, grading, and life has just seemed so full. And while it has been overwhelming in some ways, I have not been overwhelmed. I have never felt so content with the busyness that I feel. I think part of this is accepting that this is my life right now. I might not always be able to afford to spend every day at the gym with a trainer. I might not always have a job to wake up to go to. I might not always be able to stock my fridge and freezer with a month's worth of healthy food. And I might not always be able to count on hearing the voices and seeing the faces of people I love. But today, I can. And I'm going to cherish that.<br />
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Thank you, Jesus, for all of these blessings. And for the snow that has blanketed my city. It reminds me that you cover a multitude of sins and make even me new again.everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-4245618977923009472012-12-28T14:16:00.000-07:002012-12-28T14:16:37.264-07:00The Truth About MeSo I've been doing a LOT of thinking lately. And there is a LOT to express right now. So much so, I'm not even sure where to start. But since this is a blog about me, I'll start there.<br />
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I recently broke up with the man I met this summer. It was horrible. I was cold, solid, unyielding. I said I'd listen. But I didn't. I told him I didn't love him and slammed the door in his face. As soon as I did, I fell on my face crying on my stairs. I don't know why I did it, but I shut him out. I closed my heart, and I walked away, not caring what would happen to him, how it would impact him or make him feel. Not caring that I could be making the biggest mistake of my life. I was, after all, dumping the only man that has ever truly loved me.<br />
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But he didn't leave. He stayed. He left me a present in my mailbox. He texted the next day. He wasn't going to give up. And so we prayed. I felt the need to pray about what should happen. I needed to know that what we were doing and where we were going was where I wanted and needed to go according to God's plan. SO we both prayed for three days. Those were the most excruciating three days of my life. I felt really strongly that we shouldn't be "together" but that I didn't want him out of my life. That didn't make sense to me, and I was so confused, I just prayed that God would provide a clear answer, the same answer to both of us.<br />
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And he did. We agreed to date. How this is different than before is only internal, and probably confined to me. But it has allowed me to take a step back emotionally. To decide and determine what it is I really want, and to hopefully find that in him.<br />
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But what this has revealed, even more than the fact that this guy loves me unconditionally, is how incredibly selfish I am. I always wondered if I was more of the introverted variety than the extroverted. However, I think what has become glaringly clear is that I am not just introverted. Yes, I would rather spend the afternoon by myself in a coffee shop, tapping away at my laptop, or reading the same book I've already read three times. But I am selfish. I don't want to share my time with anyone. I don't want to answer to anyone. I don't want anyone to question my secret darknesses and inconsistencies. I don't want to have to be honest in the way that relationships require. And I don't want to have to love like I am loved. Because it's hard. And I'm not good at it. Even as a child, I could say these same things about myself. And I have not grown up in the slightest.<br />
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And maybe that's exactly why God has put this man in my life. To help me grow up. To share my darknesses and inconsistencies with. And to show me that it is possible to love through them.<br />
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I don't know for sure if this man is that one. But I know for sure that my heart is being changed. All of the ugly layers are beginning to peel away. And I mean UGLY. I have been meaner and more selfish since the break up as these things are revealed to me than I ever have been before. My only hope is that if I cling to Jesus he will not just peel them back, but reform the heart that is somewhere beneath. Because I know it's there somewhere. I can feel it beating.everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-10427562153151612242012-10-22T21:30:00.003-06:002012-10-22T21:31:18.070-06:00UneasySo I've been unhappy recently. And I can't figure out why. I'm teaching well, much better than last year, somewhat successfully juggling two jobs (I took on night school responsibilities this year in order to earn some extra cash) and have been seeing a really sweet guy that adores me. So what could be wrong?<br />
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Part of me thinks that it has something to do with the HUGE amount of upheaval I've felt over the last several months. An big unplanned purchase (new car,) a new relationship (that is still working!?) and this feeling of spiritual longing has lead me to feeling uneasy. I can't help but wonder if there is something I can delete from this equation that would help me feel more satisfied.<br />
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Because that's the real problem. I don't feel satisfied. I wonder if I could be doing more, be doing better. I wonder if this relationship is "the one" and I worry that I will make the wrong choice in so many areas of my life. And with constant decisions being made, that does not add up to feeling confident in making them. I don't see my friends, and I haven't felt the emotional support of them in a while. I know it is there, I just don't get to feel it as much or as often as I'd like. We've all grown up a little, entered into new lives, some in new places. And while they are still near and dear to my heart, I can't help but miss what we had even just a year ago. Maybe that's part of my problem. I'm grieving the loss of the life that I had. It looks different now, and I'm not ready for that. <br />
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Part of me knows the answer is easy: trust God. But...<br />
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And then I'm lost. I don't have any excuses left. I need prayer. I need rest. I need Jesus to show me my choices are right or to kindly guide me to the right ones.<br />
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A student said to me today that I'm always frowning. I know that wasn't the case just a few weeks ago. But I feel like this funk has settled over me, and I'm not happy with anything right now. I have known for a while that something was coming. Something was on the horizon that would change my life. Are these new developments those things? Is this relationship that thing? Where do I go from here?<br />
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That's the next step. Find out. None of that is easy. In fact, it's uneasy.everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-4413911987057451162012-07-10T12:43:00.000-06:002012-07-10T12:43:47.186-06:00People are BeautifulEvery once in a while, just as I sit down on a bench, or take a sip of coffee, this recurring thought strikes me:<br />
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People are so beautiful.<br />
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Whether it's the old man lovingly hold his wife's hand. Or the housewife self consciously adjusting even her modest dress. The young mother holding her delightfully chunky baby. Maybe the young man with sixteen gadgets stuck to various ears and hands and eyes. Or a businessman with just the slightest trace left on his face of the high school nerd he once was.<br />
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They are absolutely gorgeous. <br />
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And today I thought, no wonder God wants to know us. No wonder WE search for the thing that will complete us, unknowingly searching in all the wrong places. And we are so unapologetically, audaciously, outlandishly beautiful.<br />
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And we are His.everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-53522840091342651292012-06-11T21:10:00.000-06:002012-06-11T21:10:50.613-06:00Ready to WriteOk, so this blog is about me. Right? Which means I get to decide what goes on it. So today I'm going to talk about writing.<br />
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You see, I've had this here blog since...2004! (I just had to check. That's a freaking long time!) And I've gone through periods where I write daily and there are quite literally years lost where I don't write a single thing. And that's ok. Because it took me a while to embrace the fact that I am a writer. I have something to say, and for some reason, there are people, maybe even some who don't know it yet, that want to hear what I have to say. I began this blog simply as a way to record my life. To have something to look back on, a place to write and have it matter, to have it mean something to someone. But mostly I started it for myself. And I struggle with actually allowing people to see in to that. But I think I'm ready. So...here I will write.<br />
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Why not start a new blog, you say? Well, I have. Actually I have 3 here on Blogger, and several others in various states of beginning on Wordpress, and I couple wikis actually too. But for some reason I can't get away from this particular blog. For some reason, maybe the exact reason I fear, I love that this blog has known me for the last eight years. I love that it has recorded some of my journey in a way no other thing could: in my words. Mine. And I'm excited to let it record this next phase of my life. Again, in my words.<br />
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So, join me, won't you?everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-91881955396466070192012-06-08T14:54:00.001-06:002012-06-08T14:54:14.829-06:00Summer StartersAs I laid in bed this morning with a nasty stomach and feeling pity
creeping up on me, I was so tempted to let a sad, needless depression
come over me. But I decided to say FUCK THIS.
And so here's my fresh start. I thought this blog was going to do that
last year. But I didn't let it. And I'm sick of letting other things
make up my life story. This morning a friend told me to quit telling
myself lies and start telling a different story. This is that story.<br />
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So let's start with some goals. I'm going to copy <a href="http://hollywouldifshecould.net/2012/06/2012-summer-bucket-list/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+HollyWouldIfSheCould+%28Holly+Would+If+She+Could%29&utm_content=Google+Reader">Holly </a>because, well, she's amazing. So here goes nothing...
<b> </b><br />
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<b>Travel + Social</b><br />
I'm not much for traveling, so I'll focus on social goals this time around<br />
-Visit <a href="http://motormouthmacey.blogspot.com/">Macey </a>in Portland (in the works)<br />
-Visit a friend in NC. I loved the area the first time I visited in college. A 6'2" redhead could only make things better!<br />
-Join a meetup group and actually attend a gathering<br />
-Host a gathering at my amazing apartment that I never invite anyone over to see<br />
-Spend time with my dear (and married) friends
<b> </b><br />
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<b>Relax</b><br />
Well, since it's summer, and I'm a teacher on summer break, I'm going to cheat and make most of these "work" goals<br />
-Attend and successfully complete for PD credit the Common Core Standards conference next week<br />
-Plan the entire year's lessons (along with a complete interactive notebook example for students)<br />
-Write 2 quality assessments for each unit<br />
-Research and write a parent communication manifesto (MUCH needed after this past year!)<br />
-Attend Alive After Five and have fun (with or without friends)<br />
-Write at least once a week on this blog. And make it prettier.
<b> </b><br />
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<b>FOOD</b><br />
My biggest struggle to control right now. Let's think positively!<br />
-Two
week green smoothie fast (Started one this spring, but failed. Need to
do this relatively soon, as training mileage, and therefore appetite,
will increase soon.)<br />
-Return to paleo (You'll feel better, girl! Just do it!)<br />
-Buy something food related at the farmer's market downtown<br />
-Cook and freeze lunches for going back to school this fall
<b> </b><br />
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<b>Health + Fitness</b><br />
So many goals already met! Ok, there's still progress to make...<br />
-Go ALL OUT for every workout, starting today! (I've been slacking a little. Feeling tummy sick, so maybe not today...)<br />
-Keep my training schedule for Team in Training. (See above comment...)<br />
-Run at least a 10k race before October (marathon date!)<br />
-Buy new running shoes. Mine have seen lots of love and could be upgraded.<br />
-Hold the straight arm hang in correct position for an entire 60 seconds (The pull up will be the death of me...)<br />
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Ok,
I think that's good enough for now. Let's not get away with ourselves.
This is mostly what I've been telling myself I'm going to do this
summer. But now it's written down. And that makes it realer. And seems
doable, but I have this tendency to underachieve. I hope this helps keep
me on track. Here's to being happier this summer!everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-30943749826982378152011-07-01T13:05:00.003-06:002011-07-01T13:13:07.414-06:00In love?I have fallen head over in heels in love. And it is the most excruciating experience of my life. The highs are so high. Even when it's a small gesture. And the lows are so low that it feels like I might be suffocating. It's this phrase "in love" that causes me to stop and ponder. I'm not IN love. I am loving. And it's scary. And it hurts. Because I have to open myself up to possibility that that love will not be returned. How do you do that? Purposely put your heart on the line and hope that it turns out for the best. Trusting in God would be the easy answer. Indeed, one that is easier to say than it is to do. <br /><br />So I thought, hmm...where can I find some answers? Postsecretarchives of course. Where every fear and thought, every worry and wonder has been stated and enunciated before I even realized I was thinking it. Where, even though there are no answers, there is commiseration. (Is that even a word!?) I can click through the pages of archives, and know that in fact, when I feel most alone, like the one person who I WANT to understand me more than anything doesn't, there are thousands who have gone through the exact same thing. They have asked the same questions of themselves, doubted the same doubts, sank to the same depths of emotion and flown high on the same clouds. <br /><br />A few weeks ago, I had this thought: So this is the view from cloud nine? Pretty nice. Today I realized I fell from that cloud, and that people were not meant to live in clouds, but in community. And that is a lot harder to do when you're in love.everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-21381218057192258902011-02-07T19:26:00.003-07:002011-02-07T19:43:00.406-07:0013Do you remember that Jennifer Garner movie...13 Going on 30? I do. And unlike the beautiful Jennifer Garner, my age progression does not seem to be going forward.<br /><br />I was reminded last night, in a frustratingly and beautifully honest voice, that I am still a work in progress. Every time I think I've found solid ground, something shifts, or changes, and I come to realize that no matter how hard I work, or how far I've come, I'm not done growing up. <br /><br />In some ways, I'm glad for that. I don't want to be static, or stagnant, or stunted before my time. I want to be pushed and challenged, I want to grow and explore. And more often than not, I don't have the time or energy, and more often than I'd like to admit, the courage, to push myself in more than a few ways. I've spent the last few years pushing my body. It's far from perfect. But it is by far better than it has been. The mental challenge that this requires has changed me too. And while I appreciate my new found physical and much quieter emotional strength, there is still work to do. <br /><br />The person that pointed out this not quite fatal but still detrimental flaw is someone I have not known long. But nonetheless, someone that has become important to me very quickly. I hate the double edge sword that relationships sometimes seem. In order for you to know them and them you, you must open yourself. Unfold the layers of guilt and hurt, of memories and experiences, and try to share them. Not explicitly, by telling story after story of your life up until the point you met, though some of that does inevitably happen. But rather in your actions and person, through who you are and HOW you are. And it's sometimes ugly. Really ugly. How do you know if sharing what you are and how you got that way won't make them turn heel and run? You don't. How do you know you won't peel away the layers, hoping to replace those with fonder memories and lovelier things, and they won't be bandaged but instead scrapped away. We don't. And I guess that's the risk we take when we love. It takes a strong person to love, and a stronger person to let themselves be loved.everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-32276014281358429922010-08-06T14:10:00.002-06:002010-08-06T14:33:33.664-06:00ConvictedThis last year has been tough on pretty much every front. So much so that I'm not sure where to start.<br /><br />I saw two relationships begin and end this year. I moved away, and then moved back home. I got a job, hated it and got a new job. I've run, I've loafed, I've tried and I've given up. I've questioned, and questioned...and questioned. <br /><br />Two years ago I was so sure that I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do. I was going to school to do thing that I KNEW he wanted me to do: teach. With all of those things happening in between now and then, I'm back in the same place, and nearly equally unsure of whether I'm doing the right thing anymore. Part of that is that I continued to make bad choices in my personal life, specifically in my relationships. The wrong people, the wrong things, forcing things, not hanging on long enough, believing too much in one thing, and losing hope in another. <br /><br />Recently, I've lost my best friend. Or at least, that's what it feels like. Her words cut me so deep, I think I've cut myself off to everything. I've always been one to trust my gut implicitly. And for some reason, that gut is gone. I remember on the my birthday this year, I called this friend and told her exactly how I feel now: I feel dead inside. I've lost all respect for all the things I love about life, and therefore I feel like I've lost respect for myself. I don't know how to get that back. <br /><br />I should be excited to start school again this year. And I am, but not in the way I want to be. I'm excited to be working, because I find some of my self-worth in what I do. And I do truly find my work rewarding. Most of the time. But I'm looking to it to bring me out of this hole I'm in, and I know it won't do that. It will drain me, and the kids will kick me, and there will be moments when I will hate it until it's over again in the spring. <br /><br />Part of this funk is that I've been so stressed out this year. One more year has passed, and I question whether I am where I'm supposed to be, if I'm doing all the things I should be doing. I'm broke. And that really stressed me out. I feel like I can't function at the normal level of me when I feel as though I need to watch every penny, which right now I do. I know that shouldn't decide how I feel, but it does. At least partially. <br /><br />Also, I haven't been writing, as evidenced by my last post date, and I think that's part of it. All this stress just gets bottled up inside, festering and causing boils on my heart. I can feel the burden of all this uncertainty ever so lightly lifting even as I tap the keys here. <br /><br />So what prompted all this whiney introspection? In an effort to get excited about the coming year, I rss'ed several new teacher blogs. One written by Jim Burke especially stuck me in the gut. "But education needs courage, it needs wisdom, it needs vision now, for as the Bible says, "in a land without vision, the people perish" (Proverbs 29)." <br /><br />I have lost that vision. Literally. I can't even picture out to set up my classroom. I can't see my students in their desks. I can't see myself enjoying life anymore. And something needs to change. And I think it needs to start with my relationship with Jesus. <br /><br />I've felt this way for a long time, and have been trying to shake it off. Telling myself that substitutions and relationships, and even physicality (how cliche, I know) will fill the gap when I know that it will not. It will only dig it deeper. So there's a starting point I guess.everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-71391210536706847222009-12-11T10:10:00.002-07:002009-12-11T10:19:10.289-07:00Wow...It's been a long time since I last posted! But here's a quick update:<br /><br />I'm so close to the end of my first semester of teaching that I can literally taste the cocoa and candy canes that will come with Christmas break. I thought I was doing pretty good until about a couple weeks ago. Now, I'm seeing just how scattered and disorganized I really am. I am not anywhere near ready for finals, nor am I ready to start a new semester. I miss my the careful planning time I had while student teaching. I have barely had two days planned before I start them this semester, and that makes me worry. And it makes me feel incompetent. <br /><br />I broke up with the person I was seeing. It was sad at the time, and I do still miss him. But I do think it has been a huge personal learning process for me, and that is good.<br /><br />I miss Boise. I want to sit in my favorite coffee shop on Saturday mornings. Watch the people bustle to and fro. Instead, I have a small town cafe to take it's place, and it's no where near as friendly, cozy, interesting or cost effective. I'm managing though, I guess.<br /><br />I have decided to train for another triathlon. This time, it starts with some plain old weight loss. I have been attending several classes at my gym in addition to a few days worth of my own workouts. Its been nice. I know a few people, and living out here is slightly more bearable now.<br /><br />I am working to clear my vision of the future. Already, a year into teaching I both want to be better, which takes time, and move on, move up, and do more in the education world. I'm thinking I need to have a better understanding of education legislation, and the goal of compulsory education in our system in order to do that. However, I'm unsure of the first step in that direction.<br /><br />Anyway...that's about all I got. (my battery is dying now...)everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-18362289475647140832009-09-15T23:32:00.003-06:002009-09-15T23:39:10.622-06:00quit yer bitchin'You know, I was all ready to sympathize with some of the teacher blogs I was just reading, and then I realized...NO! You have it so much easier than I do! Now wait...I will tell you why.<br /><br />I am teaching 5 separate classes. One of which was added the week before school started which gave me zero time to prepare. One of which I'm not certified for...yet. Two that have near-or-over capacity numbers. Two students in regular English classes that read no...zero...not a word...of English. And one that is specifically for our state mandated test...can you say pressure?<br /><br />And I only have one prep period.<br /><br />Every other day. <br /><br />Quit yer bitchin' or step on up to the podium in my classroom. <br /><br />To be fair, I know every teacher works hard. But this is my load as a first year teacher. I'm tired. I'm stressed. I can't sleep. I have no idea what I'm doing in class tomorrow. I'm sick (whether actually sick or just stress related is TBD.) I'm tired. And I really need professional "teacher" clothes. I feel so out of place with my cargo pants and flip flops. I have yet to receive my first paycheck. grrr...maybe I should just go back to school. This teacher thing is hard! :)everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-92105953771831403082009-09-09T17:41:00.002-06:002009-09-09T18:01:47.413-06:00A) none of the aboveAh...I finally feel like I have time to breathe. And think. Here are some thoughts regarding a) a move to a new (smaller) town, b) a new school (and my first real teaching job!) c) sophomores d) a new (good!) relationship. I may or may not address all of the above, and in fact may include others not mentioned. <br /><br />a) I was super hesitant taking this job simply because it required a move. I don't deal very well with big changes, and this was like two HUGE ones in one fell swoop. It's been a little stressful, and I've had more than one breakdown already. However, I have yet to regret the decision. I'm not as in love with the place as I was hoping to be, but I think it will grow on me, and should I not find a job in my "hometown," I think I can survive a few years here. At least until I decide I can't, and start to actively pursue that PhD I want. ;)<br /><br />b) The school is...old school. So much could be better. But in fairness, so much could be much worse. I have aides in my classroom, I have sufficient supplies (so far, though I haven't asked for too much yet,) I get a prep period, something I didn't get while student teaching, and the staff is friendly enough. Staff morale is something that could improve...morale isn't quite the right word. But I'm starting to loose the "you're all so awesome, you teachers, you" twinkle in my eye. Instead, I wish the staff room at lunch was a little less gossipy, the halls before and after the bells a little more...lively. And that my questions received answers...the ones about students who I don't know yet, strategies I need help with etc. It's very small, which is good because my classes have stayed fairly small (average about 20, though both English 2's have 30+.)And the kids are well behaved (except the sophomores...) and really sweet. They live a life so foreign to me, traveling for heffer shows and rodeoing on the weekends. It's fun just getting to talk to them about what they do afterschool. <br /><br />c) Sophomores. I guess I haven't ever really worked with sophomores. If I had, I may have been better prepared for the CONSTANT talking, the inability to listen and use ANY motor skills at the same time, the CONSTANT talking, and the attitude. Oh, the attitude. In all fairness, most of the sophomores have a pitch perfect sense of humor. So much so, that I often find it hard not to laugh at them. Which really does nothing for my sense of authority in the classroom. And did I mention they are CONSTANTLY talking... not that I mind students sharing, thinking, working together etc. But it becomes something different altogether when I explain the task, give them help, suggestions, hold their hand through the first step, and then ask them to keep going...and they immediately turn into the Access Hollywood of XHS. Seriously. Shut up. <br /><br />d) so far, in all honesty, the only thing keeping me sane is my...boyfriend! So...at the same time I moved and started my new job, I went out on a date with an amazing guy...who is still in town A. I live in town B now. Lots of talking on the phone, and an astronomical phone bill later, I am dedicated to him, and he's taking all my crazy in stride. What a sweet dude. :)everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-22171346013376761042009-08-11T18:26:00.004-06:002009-08-11T19:14:12.515-06:00Updates, updates.I have about a million things to write about. I will write about a few, in true me-style, most likely in long rambling sentences that touch on numerous topics. <br /><br />I completed my first triathlon last weekend! It was an amazing experience, and I will definitely do it again. During the run (and walk...) I felt unsure if I COULD finish, my legs were moving so slowly, and I had no energy to make them work harder. I now understand why people collapse at the end of marathons... But I knew I COULD finish, and kept on. I'm so glad I did. I had a goal to finish, preferably under 2 hours, and I met both! Yay! I'm planning on doing at least one sprint next year, and I'll be training for an Oly, though I kind of doubt I will be that in shape by this time next year...we'll see. <br /><br />I did move. I'm living in podunk. Nice podunk. But still podunk. To me anyways. I think it's nice, for what it is, but it's not Boise. And...after all the hemming and hawing, I really, really, REALLY love Boise. And...there might be someone there to keep me there (or take me back...) Time will tell on that one. <br /><br />I think I finally had a I-have-no-money-but-still-need-to-decorate-my-classroom breakthrough today! I'm getting really excited for school to start, even though I have thought little about what I'm going to do in the first few days. That's what next week is for...right? I am pondering starting a new blog just for lesson plans and classroom musings. If I do, and you're interested in keeping tabs on that one, let me know!<br /><br />Until next time!everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-29335204256024584502009-07-23T15:33:00.000-06:002009-07-23T15:34:22.758-06:00One more reason I love Idaho...<a href="http://www.ktvb.com/news/localnews/stories/ktvbn-jul2309-stockdale_donations.6c2189af.html">Check it out.</a>everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-19978173170526434972009-07-21T16:04:00.004-06:002009-07-21T16:12:24.856-06:00I might be more of an English nerd than I thought...So I'm sitting in my favorite coffee shop (where the heck else would I be?) trying to figure out how I'm going to teach grammar, without actually having to <span style="font-style:italic;">teach</span> grammar. And I found it! <br /><br />I've always really liked the idea of using journals in the classroom. But more often than not, these end up being a place for students to copy what the teacher puts up on the board, rather than as a learning tool for the student. But here is the idea I just added to my 1st quarter lesson plans for Junior English:<br /><br /><blockquote>Grammar Journal- Students will begin a two part Grammar Journal. The first part will contain definitions, exercises, and examples of proper grammar provided in morning mini-lessons. This will serve as a self-created reference for students. The second part is a notebook in which students keep records of sentences they have written that contain grammatical errors. Sentences are obtained from student work submitted to instructors. These errors will be marked in a consistent manner by the teaching when grading. After identifying the errors themselves, students then copy problematic sentences in their journals and rewrite the sentences, making alternative stylistic choices to improve each sentence. To take full advantage of their choices, students can rewrite their improved sentences several different ways. Students who do not have significant grammar problems can use the Grammar Journals to recognize their range of stylistic choices. They can accomplish this by rearranging sentences they have created in various ways to create emphasis or change the feel or mood of a piece they have written. </blockquote> (part of this was totally bogarted from <a href="http://classweb.howardcc.edu/english/devwriting/tab7.htm">Developmental Writing.</a><br /><br />I'm excited about trying this out. For those that have taught before, you may be laughing at me. But I see this as a two-fold endeavor. The first part is that doing it this way, I avoid the worksheets and memorization I myself have always hated about learning grammar. Instead, I can use mini-lessons to introduce a concept or skill, and then lead students to strengthen their weaknesses by making notes on their writing (my favorite part of English anyway.) The second is the goal that if I allow a little creativity, in the form of owning their journal, personalizing it and such with their own writing (and pictures, and lyrics and etc) then hopefully students will find value in it. It is definitely a more active way for students to learn a skill, having them find out what went wrong rather than me telling them (over and over and over!)everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-12595626999814257202009-07-12T15:00:00.002-06:002009-07-12T15:04:56.384-06:00TrainingThere is so much I could say about training. I love it so much right now. The days where I am unmotivated and struggle to go are fewer and farther between. I love how strong I feel, and have begun to appreciate how hard my body works for me, and can work for me.<br /><br />I know I've said it before, but I'm not doing this specifically for weight loss. However, it has been so fun to see how my body is changing. I sleep better (although I'm still almost always tired) I can see muscle and definition where I previously didn't, my clothes are looser. I am so excited to see all of this hard work come together on race day. To know how hard I'm working EVERY DAY now, so that I can succeed on that one day. <br /><br />I'm so excited!everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-81356610975647469512009-06-27T14:41:00.000-06:002009-06-27T14:42:30.101-06:00Seriously...<object width="480" height="430"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/common/assets/onn_embed/embedded_player.swf?image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.theonion.com%2Fcontent%2Ffiles%2Fimages%2FONLINE_DATING_article.jpg&videoid=74068&title=Online%20Dating%20Helping%20Pathetic%20Women%20Get%20Their%20Hopes%20Crushed%20More%20Efficiently" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><embed src="http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/common/assets/onn_embed/embedded_player.swf"type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowScriptAccess="always" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent" width="480" height="430"flashvars="image=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.theonion.com%2Fcontent%2Ffiles%2Fimages%2FONLINE_DATING_article.jpg&videoid=74068&title=Online%20Dating%20Helping%20Pathetic%20Women%20Get%20Their%20Hopes%20Crushed%20More%20Efficiently"></embed></object><br /><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/video/online_dating_helping_pathetic?utm_source=videoembed">Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently</a>everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-28334908327360351272009-06-27T13:22:00.002-06:002009-06-27T13:23:23.361-06:00HappinessI really appreciated this article. I think it's conclusions are some I've been coming to myself lately. <br /><br /><a href="http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/happiness-3-amazing-tips-from-the-worlds-oldest-case-study-479340/">Enjoy</a>!everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-88788941838942818242009-06-22T13:12:00.002-06:002009-06-22T13:17:39.644-06:00You MatterI was going to save this post for later, seeing as how I just got back from a work out and need to seriously shower and start the rest of my day. But my boss sent me a link (yes, I checked my work email while I was on vacation...) and I wanted to share it. <br /><br />The past few weeks have been a roller coaster in so many ways. I have decisions to make that seem more momentous than they might actually be, but will definitely affect the next year of my life. Sometimes in all of that, it's hard to remember that it's not always what but who that matters: you matter. And that makes a difference. It can turn a mediocre, or even horrible, experience into something advantageous and positive. I don't mean this in a "everything is about me way" but rather to remember that it's important to think of the bigger things. <br /><br />Enjoy! I'll post an update on my 5K and training later. <br /><br /><a href="http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2009/06/you-matter.html">You Matter</a>everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-9799139595906829412009-06-09T17:12:00.000-06:002009-06-09T17:13:15.356-06:00P.S.Is it weird that I consider JT study music?<br /><br />P.P.S. I really want babies.everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-15265074095792392342009-06-09T16:27:00.002-06:002009-06-09T16:31:28.431-06:00Tuesdays are great daysI went to sleep, when I finally went to sleep, with a smile on my face last night. The last few days have been very encouraging, in more than a few ways. Whether anything comes of any of it, I don't know. But I'm happy with it just the same. Vague, I know, but I like at least a little mystery. <br /><br />I have decided to fully commit to moving to and teaching in Twin Falls. There are still opportunities that, if I wanted to, I could pursue, but I feel like this will be a good experience. It will be the first time I am completely on my own (I know I've said that before, but really, a town where I know no one, hours away from friends and family, that's pretty on your own.) My training is going really well, and honestly, I'm looking forward to longer and better work outs once I have nothing else to do with my time. :)<br /><br />I still wish I could stay, kind of. But I know I'll be back, and that helps to soften the blow.everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-20677703987014649812009-05-27T13:55:00.002-06:002009-05-27T13:57:44.404-06:00feeling goodI've been feeling really good about life lately. I don't know if there is a particular reason for it. Maybe the increase in free time, the endorphins released this morning after a nearly 10 mile bike ride (it's not really that long...anyone could do it.) or maybe I'm finally finding balance. I think it might be a little of everything. But I love it all. <br /><br />So much more I feel like I could say, but the sunshine is more appropriate than my words.everydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7204778.post-50103921862332783032009-05-26T20:44:00.003-06:002009-05-26T20:50:06.451-06:00100 Things To DoI've decided that I should make a list of things I want to do, preferably in Boise, before the end of the summer. Since I'm only working part time, and have a sudden abundance of time on my hands, this should be a fun, and time consuming endeavor. Where to start...<br /><br />1. Attend Yoga in the park<br />2. See an Idaho Shakespeare Festival show<br />3. Visit the zoo<br />4. Attend the ballet*<br />5. See an Idaho Dance Theatre show*<br />6. Bike the whole distance of the greenbelt<br />7. Spend a whole day in the park reading<br />8. Complete a triathlon<br />9. Write a complete semester of lesson plans<br />10. Eat at Goldy's<br /><br />These are just a few, and I kind of cheated by inlcuding things I'm already working on. If you have any suggestions, leave a comment!<br /><br />*seasonal-will have to do latereverydayjaehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09260019013664115650noreply@blogger.com2