Monday, April 28

In weakness...

I am so thankful today. I'm not really even sure about what. I feel really happy to be sitting right where I'm at. More on yesterdays church experience:

I found some way to articulate it late yesterday--there are people that are alone. That are full of hopes and dreams and plans, desires, sins, shame, life. And they long to be part of something bigger than themselves. I know, I'm one of them. So they find their way into this place that says they wil welcome them, open arms to them, love them. To church. And then, because everyone there is there for the same reason, because we are all weak, and the weak go where they think they will be made strong, they are congregated together with no rock, no commonality see, other than this faith that is weak to begin with. And if they are all weak, and there is no strength (save the Lord's) how will be life each other up?

What if it looked more like this--we go where we find strength. We go to nature, we go to clubs, we go to the world where God is inevitably. We are after all made in His image. There is no where we can go without him. Whether those around us have faith or not, we are built up in the things that are common, and our souls are nourished so our faith can be nourished.

I don't know how sound this is. But I know that is where I want to be. I don't want to live my life in a ghost land of people who want to love but can't or don't know how. I want to live in a land who are learning and failing and learning again. And I don't find that in church. Some do. Great, let's be friends. Maybe we can learn something. Maybe we can love each other.


Anna said...

i'm glad you wrote about your feeling/thoughts from sunday. not only is it good to articulate such things, but i was, of course, curious.

i too gather strength from going places and taking part in experiences where i feel/see/understand God. for me it's nature especially. i don't quite agree with you about the church thing though - that they're places devoid of love and strength. i think that there are failings, sure - as you say we're all weak humans after all. one of the reasons though that i'm looking for a new church is that i'm missing my "family". it takes time and can be a bit bumpy to get involved in a church, just like it can when breaking into any group of people you aren't fully familiar with, but when i am integrated into a church family i know that there is strength and support there that i can expect and tap into. i actually think it's kind of a beautiful thing that people are gathering and creating relationships who have no other commonality than their love for Christ. it's revolutionary even. we're together despite our differences - because Christ's love doesn't look at things like ethnicity, gender, economic status,past experiences, political stances etc. and in trying to love like Him we try not to see differences, but sameness.

i have gone through phases where i took a break from the whole church thing (and i'm sure i will continue to), and i think it's a fine thing to do. for me though, it's something that i go back to. i feel close to God when i'm out in the woods, and i find a great deal of joy in that, but the woods can't help me if i'm having a rough time, they can't sharpen me or correct me. personally, i need both. i need God's creation and his people (our family).

so i know this was a ridiculously long comment..but yeah, just my thoughts...

everydayjae said...

I think this is how I can say it more concisely--Fuck church. Love God.

I'm done with it for now. I thought I could go back. But I can't. Maybe it's me, maybe it's them. But I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way, and I find some comfort in that.

Thanks for sharing though. I see what you're saying. It makes sense that a tree couldn't make you a better person. But I wonder sometimes if it couldn't.