Quest for inter-macy

I decided to sign up for a myspace account. I do not a single person who is without one. And after holding out for nearly a year, my need for connection on some other level made me do it.

Now, I have real friendships with all the people that I would want to interact with on this online service. So why would I want to superficiallize my relationship with them by introducing some kind of third party, or third millionth party, to it? The need to feel included, I suppose. The need to feel like I am part of the community of myspacers maybe. Voyeurism, even. I think mostly, I am insecure about all of these reasons. I'm just like every one else, and I want to feel close to the people I love. I want to know things about them, hear their thoughts and feel their feelings. If I'm not included in something, I feel left out. Obviously.

I think a more important question, though, might be why can't I feel confident that I am the friend that they need and love and cherish. Just the other day my friend confided to me that he cherished his friendship with me, devoid of any inter-macy. And I still signed up. Do I need more? Why do I want more? Am I not good enough on my own, do I need something else to validate my existance to myself and everyone else. Something that has an automatic counter to prove my relationships exist?

Maybe I do. And why is that? What happened to the confident and happy me that used to love that I was different and loud and happy without anyone else around? Why can't I be alone anymore?