So I realized, after talking to so many people about how I missed writing, that I should write. And I was talking (I've been doing a lot of that lately) to my friend Heidi who has a blog and I remembered my own. It was a refreshing and awakening experience. Because I think we as people can say so many things, whatever it may be about, and never actually act on those words.
I was talking, again, with my best friends husband last week at the bible study we all attend. And I was saying that the thing I missed most in the relationship with my parents is that they would say they loved me...as they walked out the door. They would tall me whatever nice things...as they were in the middle of hating me for something else. Their incongruence has greatly affected me, and I'm only just now realizing that THAT is what it was. Not that they didn't love me, and not that there was a lack of affection, but there was present and tangible inconsistenacy in out relationship.
So...writing: I want to write. Which means I have to write. It's so funny how these things all tie together. I talk about one thing to someone and all of a sudden, I feel this urge to put on paper the emotions or thoughts I have about an entirely different subject. But here I am, writing to you all. And I hope that you will read it and be encouraged.
So allow me to reintriduce myself: I'm still bumbling, a little rambunctious (did I spell that right?) and as always self conscious. This is an effort to be more transparent with even myself about those things. Enjoy the journey!