Saturday, November 6

Neon Unhappiness

Why do I have to work so hard to get things done? I feel like, to get a little attention, I have to scream and shout and jump up and down under a neon sign that says "Look at me! I need some attention!" Are friendships this hard for everyone? Do they take so much work and sacrifice everywhere? Or is this a special case? I know it's not, but I feel like it is. And I feel like I get the short end of the stick every time. Why is that? Am I petty? Am I impatient? Am I just expecting too much? Do I ask for something I don't deserve; I haven't earned? I don't think so. I put in my time, why can't they? I often tell myself I get the crap pot of life because God knows I can handle it, and if someone else got this much, they couldn't. But sometimes, I wonder if that is true. Because right now, I feel like I can't handle it, and I just want to break. I need some love and affection, and I don't want it from the one person who I know can give it. Maybe I do deserve what I get. Maybe I have earned my own unhappiness.

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