Friday, September 19

the learning curve

The past 48 hours have been an emotional roller coaster (what hour of my life couldn't be described as that...?) Anyway, what came of it is the point.

I have learned a great deal about myself. Mostly, that I think too much of myself. I don't know where this ostentatious pride has come from, but I'm beginning to realize, I don't like it. (As I read that back, I don't like that. That I'm only now, at such an age, realizing this.) I don't know know if I'm the worst person out there, but I have far too long put myself before others. And this from someone who truly wants to serve others, who has spent a great deal of life doing so, and now who seems so unattached to that desire.

I'm starting to think that those graphs showing learning curves, the ones especially related to life lessons, look more like a jagged line, with no curve, no softness, but rather deep impressions in the in between, marking the actual lesson. Deep, because they must impress something upon us, touching somewhere very below the surface, and because at least I find that I am usually distracted by my last revelation on the way to the next.

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