You cannot rationalize away every mistake you make. Sometimes you can, but mostly you can't. To anyone listening, you will sound like an idiot, lying to yourself, making up fantastical stories of dragons...maybe not dragons...but stories to fill in the blank spaces of your mistake.
If you choose to make the mistake knowingly, you must be prepared for the repercussions: alienation, guilt, loneliness, hours of your life wasted away...
Getting out of the situation sucks. There will be ambiguity, unanswered questions (of yourself and others) and a lot of negative thoughts (about yourself and others.)
Life can suck sometimes. This is when I wish I didn't have any responsibilities, any bills or a job to keep, no expectations to meet. All of that grown up shit. Unfortunately, it's the thought that it's that way of thinking that got me here: rather than take responsibility, meet expectations and act like an a rational person in general.
I don't know. perhaps.