I have been thinking a lot lately about what I'm expecting of myself. I have so many ideals, ideas, that I want to live out. That I want my life to reflect and model. But I realize, or maybe am realizing, that it's impossible to live all of them at the same time. And I can't force myself to be something I'm not, even if that something is a small part of me. I can't make it bigger or more important than it actually is.
I want so badly to be perfect. I guess that is what it comes down to. I want to be smart, intelligent, learned, environmentally friendly, urban, beautiful, sweet, graceful, careful, womanly, conscientious. I want to be aware and active: politically and socially, intellectually and spiritually, personally and in the lives of others. But I know that deep down, I'm much more simple.
I appreciate the simple things. I want to wake up in the mornings, and smell the sunshine, see the grass, and feel love. I'm not even an eighth of all of these things, but I am all of these things combined. And more, and less. It seems ironic. And I'm trying to make sense of it. I'm not sure if can. And if I can. How.