Sheep

I had my first day of class last night. And I can't say how much I was underwhelmed.

Aside from feeling unprepared, I already feel like arguing with the author of the text, belittling her for the shortsightedness in the decision to use the art of Norman Rockwell to depict modern and historical theories, practices and caricatures of teaching. I seem to be the only one with this thought however. We went over graphic organizers...flow charts, thought maps, etc. Some had already prepared one before class outlining their thoughts on chapter one, our previously assigned reading. I must have missed that part while I focused on the giant neon flashing "This is racist, bigoted propaganda you're reading here " sign in the text...I hope this doesn't affect my learning.

The class, which I have been assured by the previous cohort that came in to placate ahem, assure us that will become our family before the end of the program, is a mixed bag of crazies. So your standard faculty of teachers. A few are already certified teachers, already practicing in the classroom for various amounts of time. Some have worked in classrooms as aides, special education assistants and otherwise. And the rest are social workers, salesmen, admission advisors, and mormons. Just kidding. Not really.

On the one hand, I am still excited about this class. I didn't have all of my paperwork signed before class last night, so in addition to not enjoying the discussion, I am a week behind, and failed to make an "I'm so excited I just about peed my pants" impression on the instructor.

If I sound bitter, cynical, it's probably because I am. I'm not sure anymore if I'm ready for this. I'm not sure anymore if I should be doing this. And I'm not sure anymore if this is all a good thing, or if the world will be ending too soon for any of my hemming and hawing to matter.

If the world doesn't end, I know I will die. I'm kind of on a fatalist kick. I feel like I should do some research and study before I start seriously labeling myself like that. There was however, an interesting experience I had yesterday that made me wonder if all of this trying is even worth it.

I regularly read several blogs. One of the new one's that I have subscribed to is written by a teacher somewhere in the midwest who is obviously more, or at least as much as, cynical as I. She recently wrote about a former student who was still in school, several years after having taught him. When would he age out of the system? Why was he still allowed in the school system at his age (20)? I felt offended that this educator could see only to the end of her own prejudices, and not as far as her job description. Most states require that public(free) education be provided and available to students up to the age as stated by the age set forth by law. Each states age maximum is different. One: that she didn't know the law she is held to as an educator is shameful. Two: that she would feel it an offense of her propriety to complete her contracted (perhaps tenured) duties.

So...I am struck but not sunk. I'm hoping some good debate will sufficiently knock the optimism and hope out of me so that I can complete my human-to-sheep-transformation as soon as possible, as painlessly as possible.