Sunday, December 2

things that don't matter

I decided some time ago that life is not to be lived for others, for friends, society, imaginary expectations of one or the other, but simply to be lived. Granted, from this decision has come a great many consequences since the majority of people do not think this way, but rather live in a kind of half-state of fear and selfishness at all times. Fear because they, the general population as a whole, want never to ruffle a feather, harm a hair, or strike a chord. Selfishness, because often these are done in the name of self preservation.

I have thought long and hard before deciding to live on this limb. I knew it might mean different communities of friends, being left behind by some and no longer loved by others, a kind of solid yearning towards what is right for the whole, and not just myself--including how a job would affect my family, friends, he employer itself. And all of these things don't always make sense to even those closest to me. Why should I care so much about how I affect the whole, and still not want to be a part of it?

I want to part of a better whole. One that is more than we have now. It has vague shape and less form. But it makes me feel like I'm doing something if I even think about the change. Be the change, right?

And so, without really even knowing how I want the world to change or how it should stay the same, which is sometimes more important, I do things with this notion of "we." And hope that it someday becomes an us...and is loosed from all dividing qualifiers like those even.

Part of this limb means I have purposely decided to be naive about certain things. Prejudice. Hate. dividinglinesthatseparateusfromthoseweloveinanyway. Like blind man who knows no difference, or a child who has never seen something of its kind.

And its been interesting how people who know that these lines exist, in whatever part of life they in particular encounter them, and who hate the lines, who protest the lines, actively seeking better things, changes, do not like me either. For a simple fact I choose not to see them. Not because they don't exist. But because they don't matter.

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