Thursday, March 31
I wouldn't know.
I feel the need to say something, and yet have nothing to say. Even as I write that, I know it's not true. It is not that I have nothing to say, but that I cannot or will not say. Do not posses the courage to form the words which would say it. I have so much boldness, and lack the slightest confidence. I have so much to give, but feel something is lost if it's taken. I have no time to do anything, and all the time left in the world to do it. I don't know how these things pair together to make sense, but they do, and for some reason, I can't seem to make them make sense to myself who thought them in the first place. I have so many questions; questions I have faith will be answered but that I doubt I will ever stop asking. Faith that I have proof will be validated, but that I doubt. And doubt that is ever-present. Am I failing at something? Or am I just slowly learning that there is more to it than I thought? I want to ask even more questions, but I have no one to ask them to. And I feel like even that fact is something which I have failed at. I feel like I have failed at life, and I'm only a quarter of the way through it. Am I the only one who has thought these thoughts? I can't possibly be, because there are millions of more people out there that are more like me than there are people that are different than me. See, I told you had something to say. Maybe it's not that I lack courage or confidence. But that I lack something else. Maybe something I can't even define, or don't even know. Maybe it's knowledge itself. I wouldn't know.