Gosh

I'm getting really frustrated with this, whole everythingness of life. Why is it that I can't just quit when life gets hard? I have to run this race, I hear in in my head. Why? Because you will be be made whole and complete, not lacking anything, it says again. Well, yeah but I'm OK with just OK. I have a plan and a purpose for you.

It seems like I know all these answers to all my frustrations. But I don't like hearing them, even when I'm the one saying them, whether it's to myself or someone else. Why can't I just quit. Find your strength in Me. That's one I'm having trouble with. I can't find strength in anything. I don't want to find strength. I want to go home. I want to give up. Life seems like a bunch of endless mirrors that just refelect my lack of knowledge my imperfection and stupidity. I live in a fun house of no fun. The worst part is I know that's a lie. I love my life. It just gets tough. And not even tough. This is tough. I was talking to a friend tonight, saying that I know if I wanted to I could stop everything, go home, and my Dad would take care of me for the rest of my life. Just because.

Why can't I believe that my DAD is doing that right now. No matter what situation I'm in, he has dropped everything to take care of ME. Just because. Why do I forget that so easily? Why, when he is there in every word and every page turned. I don't even have to do anything. How crazy is that? Seriously.

So yeah, Don't you hate it when you have to eat your own words? I love that.