Sunday, January 9

It's not about me

I just spent a good half hour at the local starbucks where I wasted my God-given money on a legal drug talking about myself. I analyzed the power struggle that exisits in my friendships, whether it is real or imagined, the social structure and how that structure is disrupted when one asks if another would like to share a cookie. I Asked how this all relates to my insecurities about myself. I imagined that if I talk to someone abut these things, a professional, they would diagnose me as a classic narssicist. And I have come to the conclusion that I, how new, am right. But I just visited a blog that I frequent, and I read their post from earlier today. They had posted a picture of a young man they spend time with. I remember reading an earlier post where he was concerned because the young man had few friends beclause he was "slow" and had learning disabilities. Suddenly, I am brought back to reality. It's not about me. I am not the center of the universe. There is someone out there that needs my skills, and my know-how, my clumsiness, and my laughter that doesn't know they do. Just because There are people out there that can analyze the power structure and the struggle within them doesn't mean I have to buy into the idea that sharing a cookie with someone makes me less of a person. This society has told me that taking what you need when you need it makes you weak. But taking what you need, when you need it and when it's being given to you is what life is about. Not taking selfishly, or out of turn, but out of love. So that when you can, you can give back. Maybe I am self-conscious of how it looks to share a cookie. But I'm also able to take half and give a quarter to some one else. It makes the world go 'round. I've been lied to and sold to. Catered to and made fat on lust of worldly things. I don't want it anymore. I want to give what I can. And what I cna give is simply love. Love of people and the place I live. That is something not many have. Why analyze that? Because it's not about me.

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